Liar, liar, pants on fire

The Parliamentary constituency of North East Somerset (formerly known as Wansdyke) is squeezed between Bath to the north and the Mendip Hills to the south.

A largely rural area, it’s the sort of constituency that Tories believe is their right to govern. Funnily enough, it’s also the sort of area that the Lib Dems also believe makes up part of their so-called west country stronghold.

Each assertion is both arrogant and false.

Since Labour’s Dan Norris first fought the seat in 1992, local Conservatives have been irritated by his growing popularity. Since the old Tory MP retired in 1997, Wansdyke Tories have put up a series of young pretenders to oppose the popular Labour man.

Mark Prisk came down from London, pretended to live in the area, and lost. Chris Watt came and pretended to work in the area and lost (twice). Funnily enough, now that the aptly nicknamed Cllr Twatt really does live and work in the area, local Tories dropped him in favour of Old Etonian, Jacob Rees-Mogg. Probably because “Rees-Smugg” (as dubbed by Private Eye), also pretends to live in the area when his home is actually in central London.

The fight for selection as the Conservative candidate for this part of Somerset has divided Tory party members into two camps.

Fawning supporters of the landed gentry like the idea of the posh upper classes lauding it over them again. That’s the basis of support for fabulously wealthy Oxford graduates like “Call me Dave” Cameron, “We’re all innit together” Osborne, “Bullington Club Boris” Johnson and – you’ve guessed it – "Potted Plant" Jacob Rees-Mogg.

For a man born with a silver spoon in his mouth, as well as one shoved up his arse, Rees-Smugg has shown a remarkable tendency to invent new ways to create cock-ups.

Jacob Rees-Mogg was brought up in a Thatcherite household. Boarding school in Blandford Forum and Eton further rounded his vowels and led to a speaking voice that is more plumy than one might possibly imagine.

For someone who admits he is "not the most expert media performer", Rees-Smugg is no stranger to pronouncing in public. Aged 12 he complained at General Electric’s AGM about the “pathetic dividend” his shares were acquiring. Interviewed by the Daily Express he opined that he planned to be a millionaire at 21, a multimillionaire at 40, and Prime Minister at 70, “when I've made enough money to waste some on politics”.

When reminded of this a few years ago, he sheepishly admitted: “I was very good on Tory propaganda as a 12-year-old.”

He’s still a pretty good liar now.

For example, Rees-Smugg bangs on about being “A Somerset Man for North Somerset”, claiming to live in the North East Somerset constituency. He reportedly told a Wells Rotary Club dinner in October 2007 that he had lived in Somerset for 300 years.

But “Homes and Property” informs us earlier this year that his sister, the fragrant Annunziata, lives with Jacob “and his family in Westminster” during the week. She, like brother Jacob, commutes to the west country at weekends to campaign as a “local” Tory candidate.

Even a Conservative Party website happily tells us that Rees-Smugg held “a fundraising event" at his millionaire’s home in Westminster for his campaign in Somerset. A helpful map and address is provided, allowing Google street view to give us a glimpse of his little terraced house just off Park Lane. Hmmmm, nice car Jacob.

Jacob’s lackeys (bring your own nanny and maid) are also helping him peddle more lies by claiming the credit for government investment in the area.

The local unitary authority (BANES Council) is Tory controlled and Rees-Smugg is happy to promote porky-pies regularly pushed out by their pet spin-doctors and slippery Conservative councillors.

One Rees-Smugg leaflet doing the rounds in Midsomer Norton, at the southern edge of North East Somerset, outlines some of the things local Conservatives have apparently achieved in the past year. These include: “The start of a massive £2.5m overhaul of children’s play areas throughout the area, including Midsomer Norton.” Only the £2.5 million mentioned is actually part of a national Labour government scheme (Play Pathfinder) and Tory B&NES hasn’t contributed a penny.

Rees-Smugg is a local liability – probably the best thing to have happened to the Labour Party in the area for years. The more gaffes he makes, the more lies he promotes, the more Dan Norris’ chances of being re-elected increase.

But there’s not much prospect of Tory grandees dropping him in favour of someone like former losing candidate Chris Watt. He’s just as big a liar as the current prospective candidate but not as big in the landed gentry connections.

Two jobs BANES councillor and his Chinese junket

Soon to be ex-Tory MP, David Wilshire, has a house and political history in and around Midsomer Norton, Somerset.

Mr Wilshire, widely (and quite rightly) pilloried for paying £100,000 of taxpayers’ money into his own business, established a tradition for local country Conservatives to take local country residents for a ride.

As merely Councillor Wilshire, this right wing politician cut his political teeth claiming expenses as leader of Wansdyke District Council (1981-87) before being elected as the MP for Spelthorne, Surrey. Moustachioed school teacher, Maitland Horler, the darling of the Constituency Conservative Association, eventually succeeded him as Wansdyke Council Leader.

Unfortunately, Cllr Horler was the darling of too many people and he resigned in 1992 soon after his mobile phone usage from a local authority conference in Brighton contained a number of calls to south coast massage parlours.

Within a couple of years Tory Wansdyke Council gave birth to Tory Bath and North East Somerset (BANES) Council and the election of a new conservative great white hope – another moustachioed darling, Cllr Malcolm Hanney.

Cllr Hanney, a former investment banker who was wealthy enough to retire in 1993 at the age of forty – boasting that he was earning “substantially more” than the £82,000 a year he was earning when he was thirty.

Since then Malcolm’s household has scraped by on his wife’s salary (he is company secretary of her law firm, Magna Law Limited), his pension investments and whatever money he can scrape out of the public purse as a Very Important Person.

So important is Super Hanney that he boasts of having over 80% of the vote in his Chew Valley ward in Bristol’s stockbroker belt. The fact that only a Liberal Democrat non-entity stood against him in 2007 and more than 60% of his electorate did not support him seems to have eluded him.

But why worry about what local electors think when you’re currently pocketing a cool £1,300 per week as Chairman of B&NES Primary Care Trust and B&NES Council’s executive member for resources?

Ordinary unitary authority councillors are remunerated on the basis that what they do amounts to part-time work – currently around £7,000 per annum. Not bad work, if you can get it.

But as local councils have a tradition of being populated by either retired people or those who can afford putting in the extra hours without fear of damaging their career prospects.

Working people generally struggle with the conflicting interests of holding down a full time job while serving their community as an elected member.

So the idea of totally voluntary, unpaid councillors is widely seen as being a step backwards – effectively turning over local government to the pleasures of the landed gentry again.

Of course Super Hanney is not an ordinary councillor. He’s a member of B&NES inner sanctum, the cabinet, with added responsibilities and duties. As deputy leader of B&NES and executive member for resources, he is entitled to an annual salary of around £35,000. This extra income reflects the fact that cabinet roles are effectively full time jobs.

Executive councillors in full time employment outside of councils usually have to put their jobs on hold or resign to fulfil the time commitments required to carry out the role effectively.

Other members of Bath’s great and good brigade fete Cllr Hanney in this role, he’s chalked up a dozen free meals in the past year. No less than a man of his obvious calibre deserves, I say.

But while you and I might be happy with a Chinese takeaway as a special treat every now and then, this wasn’t good enough for Super Malcolm who went on a Council junket to China for his Dim Sum last year.

Four nights (17-21 October 2008) with fellow councillor and photographer Loraine Morgan-Brinkhurst, council lackey Jeremy Smalley and a couple of other local dignitaries, with various lunches and dinners as declared in B&NES register of members’ interests.

So far so good for the hard working Hanney. But hang on a minute – he’s also chairman of B&NES PCT and this “full time” post attracts a £30,000 salary as well.

A quick flick around the relevant public sector websites – B&NES Council and B&NES NHS will provide confirmation of the whopping £1,300 per week Two Jobs Hanney trousers.

Hold on a minute – exactly how can Two Jobs do these two jobs?

As the old joke goes, he must work for Cunard. In his own words he admits this: “In total in the two posts I work over 60 hours per week. I do what I do not because of the money but because I feel I have an obligation to put something back having had a successful business career.”

I work fucunard too but I don’t break the European working time directive. If I want to do extra part time work I have to tell my employer what I’m up to as they may have concerns about how this could affect my working performance.

So has Two Jobs Hanney asked his Council employers – the electorate – if they’re happy with him doing both jobs?

Has he asked the Health Secretary the same question? After all we can’t have the poor chap being over-stretched and stressed out.

No matter, like many councils and PCTs in England, these public services in B&NES are beginning to integrate. Super Malcolm is a big fan of the merger – perhaps he sees the opportunity of another super salary on the horizon.

All that glisters… is in my pockets

Gaffe-a-minute Tory, Jacob Rees-Mogg, welcomes the recession – lining his pockets with gold as the credit crunch bites the rest of us

George Osborne’s pronouncement at the Tory Party conference in Manchester that “we’re all in this together” would be funny, if it wasn’t so tragic.

Reminds me of the cartoon depicting a Roman slave ship, bristling with oars. The obligatory gang master beats the drum while his cohorts no doubt beat the slaves to heed the rhythm set by the bosses.

One galley slave remarks to another: “If we’re all in the same boat, how come we do all the ’effing rowing?”

This gap between posh Tories and the rest of the real world is best illustrated in the sleepy rural constituency of North East Somerset, widely tipped to return Old Etonian, Jacob Rees-Mogg as their next MP in 2010.

Jacob, whose name means ‘supplanter’, a Biblical reference to the story of how he tricked his older brother out of his inheritance by deceiving his blind father, is almost the prefect caricature of what you might expect from a Tory toff.

His list of buffoonery, easily accessed via Google or Wikipedia, rivals current Mayor of London, Boris Johnson.

Looking like a cross between Lord Snooty and Plug (from the Bash Street Kids), young Jacob heads an investment management consultancy and his bon mots often appear in print – and he sometimes even writes them himself.

There is such a thing as a free lunch

In the summer of 2006, MoneyWeek magazine (motto: “How to make it, how to keep it, how to spend it”) gathered “six of the best” financial experts to let us plebs know what they thought looked “interesting” in the markets. Having been to public school, Rees-Mogg knows a lot about what “six of the best” really means, so he was one of the experts availing themselves of this free lunch.

As the caviar and champagne was quaffed, Jacob was asked where he was making his money at the time. He replied: “…we have had 12 years of continuous growth and that has never happened before, so it is about time we had a recession.”

Looks like he got his wish – big time.

But why would he welcome a recession with such enthusiasm? I’m glad you asked.

You see, the money you make by working so hard day in, day out, has no value in the eyes of Jacob Rees-Mogg. “The notes you take out of your pocket are worthless,” he tells us. “Gold isn’t, though: it has rarity and it’s a store of value.”

“I keep a gold stock in all of my portfolios.” Bully for you, Jacob.

Gold values continue to reach all-time highs – why else would so many TV adverts now beg even the working class to part with their gold jewellery for cash?

Your paper money is worthless

So the man who said it’s about time we had a recession must have been delighted when his wish came true. His personal gold stock is rising while the rest of us who still need to use grubby paper money can be reassured by his view that the notes in our pockets are worthless.

Every cloud has a gold lining for Rees-Mogg.

People in North East Somerset are right to be wary of this very wealthy Tory toff, happily profiting out of the recession.

“We’re all in it together” say the new faces of the new Tories. Only we’re in it up to our necks while they keep their private (and our public) wealth very close to their chests.